Lately...

Hey everyone!

Captain midnight (well I guess technically it's Captain 2:30) here (again...).

We had 3 decent nights of sleep this week where I made it at least from 11:00pm-4:30am (one of those all the way to 6:00am for the first time in probably 5 months! hooray! So grateful! Never thought I would be thankful for a sleep schedule like this WITHOUT a baby) so I guess one can't get too greedy before returning to the land of the 2:30am up-and-at-'ems!

So in the meantime I thought I would update a little on what's been going on in our world the last week or so!

It's been pretty low key which has been nice! 

Last Sunday we celebrated my 31st birthday. Not going to lie - I was feeling a little "blah" about my birthday (and I LOVE birthdays but nothing puts a damper on all the things I would really like to do fun - especially Colorado fun-like being super preggo and yucky rainy weather). Coming through like the awesome champ hubs that he is - I have to give MAJOR props to Alex who totally made me feel super special and we had a great time exploring Denver despite my initial "blah" attitude and the not so awesome weather! We had an AWESOME brunch at Four Friends Kitchen here in our neighborhood (if you come visit us we will definitely be taking you here!), did some earning of a million awesome husband points shopping, ate at a new asian fusion restaurant for dinner, picked up some solidly delish cupcakes from Whole Foods and checked out the very cool Samurai exhibit at the Denver Art Museum (or the DAM as it is referred to here...). The museum was really neat and the other general exhibits were really interactive and great for even the not-so-artsy-fartsy people like me us who generally don't "get" it all the time. Definitely a good one to check out if you are visiting the area or just want something fun to do on a rainy Sunday! I had lots of very sweet texts, emails, facetimes and phone calls from precious family and friends too which made the day even that much better! Thanks everyone! So we had a great day and I'm officially IN my thirties so that's something! On to the next few weeks where Alex and I are briefly the same age!

Other than that...Alex has been riding his bike a  lot which is awesome - it's amazing to see him acclimate so quickly! He's really a tremendous athlete! This week he and a buddy ventured out to the Olympic Training Center Velodrome in Colorado Springs (about an hour from us) to hit up some serious track training! Very cool and Alex really enjoyed getting back to the track! I can't wait to see him kick some major bike booty during this next race season! 

Other than that it's IRONMAN TEXAS weekend! Can't believe it's been a year since I was trucking it around The Woodlands! 

If you're interested at all and didn't access my other/last blog - I documented my 10 month journey from mastectomy to Ironman last year here.

This year definitely brought many challenges and unexpected hiccups to the athletes (i.e. insane thunderstorms, ACTUAL HAIL, sheltering in place and a shortened bike course with 83 turns through city streets instead of country roads). Major props and some SERIOUS congrats to my friends and all the athletes who seriously dug in a crushed it this year! You are awesome Ironmen!! 

While my current status is much more...

 and I definitely don't see another full Ironman in my future for ever a while, I can't wait to get back to enduring racing. So far I've tentatively got Half Ironman Boulder 70.3 or Tri The Boat 70.3 Steamboat Springs and The Woodlands Marathon on the docket for 2017. This baby weight is coming OFF ya'll! I will not be a walking land-whale for long (I hope!! I've got a LONG way to go to achieve that again! haha!).  I would love some company out there so if you're up for it - come join! 

Welp...I guess that's about it for this late night update! Hope you all are having a great weekend! We will update again soon! 

All my late night love,

Hannah

One Year...A letter for Dad

Daddio,

    Today it's been a year. How is that even possible? One year and three days since I got to hear your voice call me "darlin" and put a hug around your neck while surrounded by family. One year since a man in a truck forgot to look both ways and drove out carelessly, tragically taking your life in a moment - a moment that came all too soon. We know today is probably very hard for the man too - know we pray for him and for his family today too. I can't believe that you could even unintentionally take someone else's life and not have today be forever marked on your heart. We pray he knows that we have forgiven him as hard as it is to be here today without you and for our hearts to hurt this much without you here. 
   Tomorrow morning it will be one year since I got a phone call that forever altered the way in which I view the world and live my life. In a few days it will be one year since the last time I saw you and said goodbye for the last time- you looked like you would just open your eyes and squeeze my hand but you were gone. One year since you chose to stay to celebrate my 30th birthday and one year since you wanted to cheer me on as I did the Ironman. I still hate that you weren't able to be there those days. 

                                 

    This year has been really hard, Dad. I think in many ways you would have understood better than most. I wish you would have been here to talk to. Every day I miss you. Every day I think about how I wish you were here and all the things I wish we had done differently. So much has happened. All the "firsts" this year without you have been so different than just the years we weren't able to celebrate with you. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Father's day, birthdays, life milestones in general...everything is different. It just feels like something is missing. 

                                 

    I like to think you would have gotten a kick out of us moving to Denver. I know you would have been the one in our corner rooting us on to taken on another adventure (and already planning your next ski trip!). 

  I think more than most you would have really gotten so much joy about this surprise grand baby coming. You would have met your second grand baby next month. You were such a great Paw-Paw to Kennedy. My heart breaks that our baby won't know you like that. I know if you were here I would, characteristically, be annoyed with the phone calls or the check ins as I am with pretty much anyone that does that to me but deep down I would cherish it so much because it would be another reminder of your choice to be present in my life like you were in Emily's when she was having Kennedy. I know how much you loved being a grandparent - I wish you would be able to hold this one too. I know people say you "are still here" or "you're looking down from heaven" or "you know" but none of those things makes me feel any better. I know people say that because they have nothing better to say but I wish people would stop saying things like that. In so many ways it just makes faking "being ok" so much harder. You're still gone...too soon. 

                                

   A few times I have had dreams where you are here or that Jesus gives me just a glimpse or moment with you. They are so real I wake up not being able to breathe. I still feel like I can smell your cologne or feel how hard you hugged when I wake up. It's truly one of the most blessedly haunting experiences of my life. A few other times, when we are at church singing praise and worship, I feel like I catch just a glimpse of you singing and praising with me. It never fails to catch my breath and I just close my eyes and for a moment - for just that moment we get to worship the Lord together. We never really got to do that together when you were here. I wish we had.  I know I sound crazy but in so many ways I just need to feel like you are still present sometimes. So many things were left unsaid and undone and unfinished. 

                                         

    I look back on where I was a year ago when I originally wrote about your accident . While some days are certainly easier than others and today is certainly less painful than it was a year ago- I can't say it's gotten better overall. I have never grieved something like this. There were so many moments in our relationship that were cause for grief and so many redemptive moments towards the end of your life that were cause for so much joy. I still don't know how to grieve this. How to wrap my head around how tragically and suddenly you died and how to live every day with that loss. One thing I can say is your death has made me love harder, let go easier and hold so much more loosely to the things of this world. It can all be gone in an instant no matter where you are in life. I would be lying if I didn't say your death made me fear loss and the fragility of life too. I wish I could say that I had overcome this crushing anxiety and developed apathy about the fleeting nature of life and the lack of tomorrow's guarantee. I know that's not how you would have wanted me to live. Some days are easier than others. Don't worry - I'm not giving up. 

   We all got together and spread your ashes at the ranch the weekend of the hunt. We know how much you loved that place. This picture was taken the last time you were there. Your ashes are spread just to the right of where you are walking and waving goodbye. The creek was running for the first time in years, it was so quiet and we sat where you had built a cross out of a tree just in the middle of the creek. It was a beautiful moment to say goodbye to you with your family all around. You are so loved. 

                                

   Thank you for so many amazing memories. While we grieve the times and moments that we will miss with you we celebrate the memories we do have. We are going to be ok. I know you know that. Today hurts. So much. But tomorrow will come and we will keep going. We will continue to celebrate the redemption in your life and the testimony and love you shared especially in the last years of your life. In every beautiful sunset, pink streaked sunrise, big mooned night, deer hunt, mardi gras moment, barbecued ribs and silly "dad jokes," we are reminded of you and smile. In my memory, you will always be that silly, sweet, complex, brilliant, big hearted man that showed us the redeeming love and work of Christ. 

                                We are sending big hugs around your neck today.

               We are holding tight to God's promise that he is near to the broken 

                                  hearted and that joy comes in the morning. 

We love you dad. We miss you - all the time. 

Vaya Con Dios. 

Love always,

Hannah

Five...

This Saturday was our 5 year anniversary! 

So what do you do when you're 5 years in, living in a new city and you're kind of stuck inside because it's cold and rain/snowing?

You eat.

All day.

And it.is.glorious.

We started our day at VooDoo Donuts.

 This is a maple bacon bar that will make you want to slap your momma.

It may be better than Shipley's ya'll and thats saying a lot.

Except they don't have donut holes...so score one for Shipleys!

Irregardless...some amazing donuts 

We had plans to go to Arapahoe Basin to listen to some live music but because of the weather and general blah'ness we decided to stay close to home.

So we did what any self respecting Texan transplant would do and

headed to the nearest Torchy's for some close to home taco noms.

 Praise God from whom all queso flows. 

Fast forward to a few hours after donuts and tacos and we headed to Fleming's Steakhouse for dinner (fitting right!)

It was delicious and a very sweet couple from another table surprised us and picked up our tab! 

So five years down and a lifetime to go. 

Adventures, ups, downs and everything in between that we couldn't have imagined.

Couldn't be happier than to do life together. 

Here's to the next 50 my love!

I love you!